static, interference, intervention, intervene, get involved so as to alter or hinder an action, white noise, snow, fuzz, fuzzy, Fuzzy, ME

Wednesday, June 21, 2017


I decided that I would put all of my affirmations in a single post because making a post that is a single line is simply a shame.

Wednesday, June 21:  I am very good at being there for other people, but tend to ignore my own feelings.  I did pretty well tonight bringing them out.

Thursday, June 22:  Today was very productive at work and I made significant progress on several important projects and responsibilities.

Friday, June 23:  I am glad that I am handy and was able to repair my toilet on my own.

Saturday, June 24:  Every month, I pick out a restaurant to dine at for brunch and I invite many friends.  This takes dedication, but I appreciate the payoff.  Several of the friends that I invite for brunch are not really foodies.  I did find out however, that even among them, I am having an influence which gratifies me.

Sunday, June 25:  Today went very well so it's hard to come up with a good affirmation for me.  I'm glad that I have a good memory, so I could remember where I could have possibly lost my money clip.  I'm also glad that I'm doing well enough that the possible loss of a few dollars doesn't really affect me.

Monday, June 26:  I'm happy I have a job that keeps me productive and gives me enough money to do the things that I like to do.

Tuesday, June 27:  I'm happy that I have enough foodie experience to be able to appreciate the dinners that I attend.

Wednesday, June 28:  I'm happy for my friends and happy to see that they care about me.

Thursday, June 29:  I biked almost 40 miles today.  I'm glad I'm in good enough shape that I can bike as much as I do.

Friday, June 30:  I am very that I am close with my family.  While I can't yet talk to them about therapy, I do know that they would support me.

Mt. St. Helens, Words, and Hunter Thompson again

I have been writing all day so this may very well be a short post. Geologists are watching Mt. St. Helens closely again because there was a small explosion on Tuesday. Air traffic had to be rerouted because the resulting ash cloud rose to 36,000 feet. 5 of 7 monitors that were in the crater before the explosion are no longer responding and are thought to be disabled. There is thought that this is the beginning of a more active period in the mountains eruptive cycle.

I found this really cool website about words. It consists of 19 pages of word oddities and trivia from various dictionaries. While it all is pretty cool, some of the words aren't English, so they don't (in my mind, count).

Hunter Thompson's family is looking for a cannon to follow through with his last wish, which was to shoot his ashes out of a cannon over his compound. They have put a request out for people with cannons to submit a 1000 word essay with a picture of the cannon. Ideally, they would like to have a cannon with historical significance and hopefully one from Kentucky. Send your pictures to the Thompson compound in Aspen, Colorado.

Music: Paperwings - Damien Jurado
Book: Last Call - Laura Pedersen
Iraq: March - 15
Total - 1513

Sunday, June 18, 2017


I am writing this in a place that no one will ever see.  I am much better at expressing myself via the written word than verbally, so I am going to see of this can be cathartic for me.  I have been depressed for a while and I finally decided to try to see if I could do anything about it.  My life disappoints me.  I know that I am intelligent and am very good at what I do, I just don't know how to convince anyone of that so I can get to where I want to be.  I have talked about being the world's worst salesman.  Everything comes down to convincing people that you are the guy whether that be in work, in life, or in romance.  I have problems in all three areas despite being recognized as being very good at who I am, I can't convince people that I can (or should) make the next step.  Recent personal issues have brought that to a head (losing my wallet, my mother's illness, my job's apparent dead end, my relationship with Julia and questions about where I fit in, the fact that I haven't been able to volunteer recently).  I will grant that if I keep myself busy, I generally don't have issues, but if things stop, I sink into a hole.  I'm not sure if the writing will help because when I write, I'm doing something and the darkest feelings get pushed to the side.  Having said that, I am writing about my feelings and trying to expose the darkness, so it might help.  I was in a pretty dark place this morning, but I have reached a better place since I have been writing, not just this, but my food blog as well.  While I didn't talk about it on that blog, that was an emotionally charged couple of days, and simply writing about it, made me think about it.  I think I will end here because, I don't know if there is anything that I really need to write about.  I will probably write here a few more times to see if it works.