Therapy

I am writing this in a place that no one will ever see.  I am much better at expressing myself via the written word than verbally, so I am going to see of this can be cathartic for me.  I have been depressed for a while and I finally decided to try to see if I could do anything about it.  My life disappoints me.  I know that I am intelligent and am very good at what I do, I just don't know how to convince anyone of that so I can get to where I want to be.  I have talked about being the world's worst salesman.  Everything comes down to convincing people that you are the guy whether that be in work, in life, or in romance.  I have problems in all three areas despite being recognized as being very good at who I am, I can't convince people that I can (or should) make the next step.  Recent personal issues have brought that to a head (losing my wallet, my mother's illness, my job's apparent dead end, my relationship with Julia and questions about where I fit in, the fact that I haven't been able to volunteer recently).  I will grant that if I keep myself busy, I generally don't have issues, but if things stop, I sink into a hole.  I'm not sure if the writing will help because when I write, I'm doing something and the darkest feelings get pushed to the side.  Having said that, I am writing about my feelings and trying to expose the darkness, so it might help.  I was in a pretty dark place this morning, but I have reached a better place since I have been writing, not just this, but my food blog as well.  While I didn't talk about it on that blog, that was an emotionally charged couple of days, and simply writing about it, made me think about it.  I think I will end here because, I don't know if there is anything that I really need to write about.  I will probably write here a few more times to see if it works.